A letter to acknowledge a child’s efforts and promote resilience

While a child may be having difficulties in school, they are cultivating many other skills that are helping build resilience. The following letter illustrates how we can reframe difficulties and reflect on them from the perspective of building strength.

To my beloved child,

I see you. I see that you show up to school every day, do your very best to pay attention and ask questions to help you understand. I appreciate your persistence, and I think you are brave. These qualities will carry you through some of life’s challenges, allowing you to navigate obstacles and cushion your landing when difficulties arise.

I hear you calling yourself “stupid” when learning requires your focused attention. I see that it hurts you when other students complete their work more quickly or when they giggle at a word you have misread. I will continue to acknowledge your pain, allow you space and time to communicate your feelings, and thank you for sharing your inner voice with me. Your sharing takes confidence, and I admire your ability to turn inward and assign words to your feelings.

You work hard all day, and then sit down to focus on homework at night. I see that you are tired, and I admire your resolve. You are an incredible problem solver. Despite your long day, you are calm, and we work together to figure out those tough math problems. I respect your relentless drive and determination. And I see that you are learning important skills that will accompany you when recovering from setbacks. 

I see you helping your siblings learn their letters and sounds. This is something you have worked so hard to grasp, and now you are able to teach them what you have mastered. Thank you for your kindness and for helping them learn from someone they admire. You are full of love and are generous in the ways you choose to share with others.

You consistently push forward, and I admire your strength of character. Learning new skills can be hard and, in the process, you are sculpting your resilience. Please know that I am here as both a guide and a companion on your journey through life.

Love,
Mom

Stephanie Paquette is a behaviour management specialist at the English Montreal School Board.