Awesome mom and daughters: Embracing who we are

by Lorri Benedik

In February 2002, Danielle Desrosiers and Joel Hay, of Dunany in the Laurentians, welcomed a healthy, 9.5-pound daughter. “Carly was an incredibly easy baby; she breastfed well, slept well and hit her six-month milestones,” recalled Desrosiers. Not long after, however, they noticed that she was not rolling over on her own and seemed slouched when sitting. They had Carly assessed at the Sainte-Jus- tine hospital for children in Montreal. She was diagnosed with hypotonia, which manifests as a lack of muscle tone, and she began physiotherapy.  

“There were challenges, for sure, but she figured out her own way to get things done,” Desrosiers said. They spoke English at home, and Carly went to pre-k in French. “When she began speaking in full sentences she did so beautifully – in both languages. She had the cutest French accent!” Desrosiers said. Additional assessments offered no definitive diagnosis. One doctor referred to Carly as “a beautiful enigma.”

The couple’s second child, Juliette, came along in 2005, when Carly was three. At age five, Carly began attending Sainte-Agathe Academy, a small school in the Laurentians. They finally received her diagnosis, which was non-verbal learning disorder (NVLD) and a code, which allowed the school to provide an individualized education plan and an integration aide in the classroom.

Desrosiers became a parent-volunteer and was soon hired as an aide in the high school. During this time, she became aware of how socially isolated Carly was. “We had different lunchtimes; I would look outside from the resource room and see Carly all by herself, dancing and spinning.”

Desrosiers spent a lot of alone time with her daughters because Joel’s work required him to travel frequently to Southeast Asia. When Carly and Juliette were 12 and nine, she decided the family should move to Bali, so they could spend more time all together. She homeschooled the girls with support from the local community, and Carly became proficient in a third language: Indonesian. “In Bali, she was accepted as she was, which gave her great self-confidence,” explained Desrosiers. “Carly became quite outgoing and never hesitated to talk to anyone.”

In 2017, Desrosiers returned to Montreal with her daughters, and they settled in NDG. While Desrosiers began looking for work, Juliette attended Royal Vale School and Carly was bussed to John Grant High. Back in Montreal, she continued to be naturally friendly. Walking down the street, she would see a stranger and say, “I love that colour on you”, or “nice hat!”

Carly was on a waiting list for Summit School and one year later, a spot became available. Her mother helped her to learn how to take public transportation, and within a week she was travelling on her own.

Both girls thrived in their new schools. “Carly is so joyful and exudes positivity,” Desrosiers said. “She’s like a cheerleader; when a friend shares on Facebook that she is trying something new, Carly comments, ‘You go girl, I know you can do it!’ ”

Now 21, Carly graduated from Summit’s TECC program and recently began classes at Wagar Adult Education Centre. She was nervous on her first day but when asked how she was feeling Carly said, “I’ve got this!” Juliette is now attending CEGEP at Dawson, and Desrosiers is working as a real estate agent focussing on special needs families.

“Life still happens even though our kids have challenges,” Desrosiers said, “Although we’d like to, we can’t protect them from the world. What we can do is guide them to inclusive communities and friends who ‘get’ them and embrace who they are.”